Lessons in Life

It's difficult not to feel every emotion your child experiences, right along with them. When they hurt, and their heart aches, mine aches for them. When their frustration takes over and erupts like a volcano spilling its lava in every direction, I feel the heat along with him. And today Wyatt learned one of life's lessons, that life, isn't always fair. I wish it could be for his sake. That there would always be plenty to go around, so that I didn't have to explain to him through his tears and sobs why.

Today, like every Tuesday, we went to the playgroup. We had talked about it the night before at bedtime, and it was one of the first things out of his mouth this morning when he woke up, to him it is over the top fun. It's an open gym type of playgroup at a local gymnastics place that is sort of come one, come all style. We were running a few minutes behind because Ben was taking a nap, and I told Wyatt as soon as Ben wakes up we would be out the door. We pulled up about 15 minutes after the open gym had started. I shoved cups of water and diapers into my purse, slid Ben into the Moby wrap, and unbuckled one full of energy little boy. He held my hand across the parking lot saying "run run run Mama, PLAY!" I love seeing just how excited he gets to come run and play and hop and bounce.

We opened the front door and the noise of happy little toddlers playing flooded our ears. We went to sign Wyatt in, when the lady told us "I'm sorry playtime is at capacity today, you'll have to come back another day." My heart sunk. I looked down at Wyatt who was already trying to take his shoes and coat off. I knelt down, feeling like someone had just pulled the floor out from under me, and quietly told him that we couldn't play today. Well to a two year old who can clearly see 20 or so other kids already playing, it is impossible to explain that they are full and we have to leave. He cried big crocodile tears, and begged me "please, please, play, please!!" I hurt. I was sad, and a little angry, and had to swallow hard as I gathered up my sobbing Wyatt and took him to the car.

I tried to explain to him that it wasn't his fault, but he just looked at me, tears streaming down his face and repeated, "please play." I couldn't help but feel every ounce of sadness and frustration that he was feeling. My eyes welled up with tears. I tried to hold his hand, but he was too busy craning his neck around, trying to see the gym and pointing as we drove out of the parking lot. I felt crushed. I felt like I had let him down.

I don't know how I am going to handle the future break-ups, and didn't make the team type of scenarios. How is it possible to see your child hurt and hold back and not be the Mom who makes a fool of herself trying to talk the coach into allowing one more player. How do I let them learn that life isn't always fair.

Sometimes I wish I could just keep them in my arms. Keep their little hands entwined safe in mine. But alas, that is life. And with it comes many many happy joyous, smile from ear to ear times. But with that is also the let downs, the tears, and the oh so not fair.

We will try again next time, because that's another life lesson, to get back on that horse and try, try again.

Because after all, who wants to miss this: