That's Life

It's gone. And I don't know when it happened, where I was at, who was saying this and what dog was stealing what, but it's gone. Summer. I gave in willingly to fall several weeks ago, only because fall was being an ever so gentle being this year, coming in slowly with warm winds and lingering 70 degree heat. But now it's gone. It's 40 degrees. My poor sunflowers never had a chance. Seven feet tall, and not a single bloom had opened. Now they are wilted and weak, drooping lifeless. The morning frost did not agree with their rough green leaves and so they hang pointed at the ground.

Wyatt had to wear pants today, recently most days have become clothing optional for him. Not only did he have pants, but shirt, socks, underwear, shoes and a coat. Yep, coat. Goodbye summer, fall is fading, hello Alaskan winter. A few leaves are still clinging to the trees, their sunshine yellow hue makes me hopeful for at least a 60 degree day, but I think that hope is all that is left. Time to pack up the toys, rake up the leaves, and turn up the heat.

It's times like this I wish I had a fireplace to curl up in front of with a soft blanket and a warm arm wrapped around my shoulder, and maybe a little or two in my lap. If only. Instead, tonight we settled for a warm bath. Daddy was at work so it was me and the boys splashing in the tub. Drawing big A, little A on the cream colored ceramic tile with bath crayons, and blue and red airplanes, because those start with big A, little A and listening to a little voice repeat "ah ah airplane" over and over to little Ben, I'm sure with hope that he would say it right back.

I left Wyatt in the bath to splish and splash while I wrapped my Ben up in a towel and laid him on my king size bed, little Ben, and a whole lotta bed. I kissed his full squishy belly, and a little smile worked its way across his face. So I kissed again, and I worked my way up to his neck and kissed kissed kissed and made funny little noises as I tickled him. And then I heard the most wonderful sound, a sound that can make the stress of the whole day just melt away and disappear...my little Ben laughed. His very first laugh.

That laugh made me forget that I was feeling a little down about the fact that in only two days of being two, my boy's new favorite thing to utter is "no no no." But then, in walked Wyatt leaving a trail of wet footprints in his wake. Happy about his successful bath escape. I told him he needed to dry off, and just like it was programmed into him and I had pushed a button, he told me "no no no Mama, no towel." I guess that is two. But just like how a brightly colored band aid and a kiss from Mom can make a bruised knee heal, my boy climbed up on the bed, gave his baby Ben a quick hug and asked to hear "Wyatt born" and I felt better all over again.

That's life. The ups and the downs, the hot and the cold. somewhere in there you find the right balance, the sweet little spot that makes your world spin. And you don't dare change a thing for fear that your world will spin off it's axis like an out of control top. But then again, that's life too. And if that's what life is going to throw my way some days, a lotta crazy with a little sane, I'll take it, because baby, that's life.

And a little thought about life that was shared with me, that I'm still trying to wrap my head around..

"Strange is our situation here upon earth. Each of us comes for a short visit, not knowing why, yet sometimes seeming to a divine purpose. From the standpoint of daily life, however, there is one thing we do know: That we are here for the sake of others...for the countless unknown souls with whose fate we are connected by a bond of sympathy. Many times a day, I realize how much my outer and inner life is built upon the labors of people, both living and dead, and how earnestly I must exert myself in order to give in return as much as I have received.” Albert Einstein

Well said Albert, well said..

Two

I didn't cry. I was certain I would when I woke up this morning. Certain that my baby being another year older would hit me like a ton of bricks, that it would make my eyes well up, and my heart flip flop just a little, but it didn't. Instead I smiled. Wyatt jumped on our bed, and we ate our Belgian waffle birthday breakfast, topped with whip cream of course and I kissed my squirmy ball of fire two year old, and I didn't cry.

The sadness of his little-ness fading away a little more each day, is gone. And the fear of two has been overshadowed by the fun of one, and all the adventures that the past year has brought. He didn't seem older, or look bigger, but it felt different. And hearing my boy say "Wyatt Ah Ah (otness) Two!" sure made it sink in, that my Wyatt Ah Ah is two. I wondered for a moment where the time went, and through my mind like a slide show of memories ran the train rides, the walks, playing at the park, coloring, dancing, jumping on the bed, stomping in mud puddles, mix baby mixing, swimming, hide and seek, reading books in Daddy's chair, singing at the top of our lungs, ah...that's where the time has gone, and time well spent it was.

We played the day away, and when dinner time was upon us, we decided on Wyatt's favorite meal, pizza, at Nana's house. (A birthday boy request) Afterwards the sun was starting to sink lower in the sky, and we took the long way home to make a pass by the caribou so that Wyatt could tell them "goodnight" and blow them kisses from the side of the road.

Bedtime crept closer, and we started to put away the trains, and the monster trucks and the remnants of the fun that we had today. And as I put pajamas on my two year old, I smiled, and he smiled back. He climbed into his yellow car bed, and I climbed in next to him, my body curled up next to his little body, his head sinking into my arm. And I told Wyatt, the story of the day he was born. He laid still and quiet, and listened intently. He giggled when I told him that "pop! out came Wyatt and he cried", and I told him how everyone came to see him and that Mommy and Daddy and Wyatt were surrounded by everyone we loved, to help welcome baby Wyatt to the world.

As I told him about the first day, and the joy, and tears and excitement, Wyatt reached for my hand, and wrapped his little two year old fingers around mine. And then, I cried. I smiled at my boy as his eyes got heavy, and I kissed his hand that was resting in mine, and let one tear fall. One tear for all the little boy times that we were leaving behind, and for all the adventures that lie ahead.

My boy is two. They have been the best two years of my life. My wishes for Wyatt are huge, that he can take the world in his hands, and that he accomplishes his heart's desires. That he is loved, and gives love, that his scale of happiness and sorrow always stays tipped just a little more toward happy, and that no matter what he does, or where he goes, he is happy, and he knows, that I will always be with him..

And of course I had to go back in time, and it was very hard not to cry when I read this: http://otness.blogspot.com/2009/09/first-impressions-on-one-year-old.html

Happy Birthday Pal, I love you..

I'm In Love...

...Can you see why?

Oh Ben, I know I don't write much about him, because my fireball is usually stealing the show, but my little Ben is going to give him a run for his money pretty soon. His personality is now peeking out from the shadows and he is really starting to come alive. He coos and he ahhhs, and he unintentionally rolls, and he smiles. Oh does he smile. From ear to ear, his little toothless mouth stretched as far as it will go, it reads through his whole body when he smiles. His deep blue eyes shine like ice, and his arms move in happy unintentional jerky movements. When he smiles, his whole body smiles, and if Ben is awake, he is smiling.

Do I dare say that my Ben is easier then my easy-as-pie Wyatt was as a baby? Yes I do, but you better believe that I'm knocking on wood as I type this. I look into his deep blue eyes and wonder how two years will change him, as it has changed his brother. Will he be wild and free, or shy and reserved, quiet or loud? Just for the record, my money is on calm, happy and laid back, that seems to be who he is.

I'd like to believe that Ben is so laid back because he knew that would just make my life easier. (that's why, right?) He knew that if he didn't fuss and cry, and handed out smiles to everyone like they were the free cookie at the grocery store, that his Mama would be delighted. And that I could spend more time laughing, talking, singing, and smiling with him. More time falling in Love...

And those two years I speak of, boy do they go fast..

It's a little bittersweet that my baby is turning two

Apparently he isn't so thrilled about it either though...

Minutes, Moments, Memories

Labor day came, and labor day went, the leaves are yellow, and starting to fall. So like we always do this time of year, we headed to the hills to find us some cranberries. And oh boy the cranberries we found.

Plump juicy, crimson cranberries, that walked the line between sweet and tart when you bit into them. Cranberries as far as the eye could see. Me, my boys, and Nana and Papa, spending a beautiful fall afternoon in the woods.

Growing up my grandparents never lived close, and visits were cross country jaunts, usually once a year. And while those type of visits are fun and exciting and full of sugar, that special bond never has time to grow. And as I grew up I always thought I wanted to move. I wanted to try my feet in the water of another ocean. And even though now I am still here in this sleepy little town, and I have dreams of one day trying out life somewhere else, but I am oh so glad that I am right where I am. I am so glad that Wyatt and Ben have the extended family that they do here. And that we can all get together and pass babies around, and laugh and talk, and we don't have to pack up and fly home, we are home.

Wyatt is a different person with his Nana and Papa, they are truly his best friends. No matter how many times we have seen them that week, he's always excited about one more time. He plays, and they play back. They have their special moments that he doesn't share with us, but that's what makes it so special.

And when we were out berry picking, my little Ben was passed between his Nana and Papa, snug on their chests in his carrier. Content to have his head resting, listening to a familiar heart beating, smelling their familiar smell. And my fireball was with his best friends. And I wandered. I walked through the woods, crouching down to pick handfuls of berries and drop them into my bucket, admiring the color palette of fall, and the warm sun on the back of my neck. All the while, listening to the banter back and forth, coming from up the road. "Nana, where are?" As Wyatt "hid" under the branches of spruce trees. And every now and then a bear growl, followed by Wyatt giggling and saying "Papa" in a tone that implied "come on I know it's you!"

It makes my heart sing to see the love between them. A bond like I never had. And I never imagined what I wanted between my kids and my parents, but I believe this is just it. Comfort, fun, memories...love.

Family is a glue that holds us together. They never care that your baby is crying, or that your makeup isn't done, they're are just happy that you are there. And everyday I am happy, that we live right where we live, with our family.

And with fall comes this...absolutely beautiful...

Remember

I don't say it often enough, how thankful I am for those who have given their lives, and put their lives on the line on a daily basis to fight for our freedom. That day, the feelings, and the images, will forever be imprinted in my mind. They serve as a reminder that freedom isn't free. To my two brothers who serve our country, my Uncle, my Grandfather, and countless friends, thank you for selflessly fighting for and protecting our freedom.

The Good Life

My site is up and I've booked clients! Life is good when you're living your dream...

(click logo to visit site)

Hello Fall

I feel creativity stirring inside me as we get ready for an airplane themed 2nd birthday bash for Wyatt! More fun to come!

And Then...A Shift

September has always been my month. It's always so hard to let summer slip out of your hand, but September makes it easy by coming in and filling your cup with fall. With beautiful reds, and golds, and cool crisp breezes that have the distinct smell of snow hidden somewhere deep inside them.

I drink September in, and then I go back for seconds. Not letting a single drop go to waste, because once it's gone, it's gone.

September is change. It's another summer down, another year older for me, and for my little wild child. It's a change in scenery, a change in thinking. A shift in the way I look at the world. And my shift this year was slightly unexpected. A thought in my head has been struggling with me, and we have been fighting back and forth. School started back up on Thursday, and the night before I was torn between leaving my little, still so new, boy, and going to tackle another semester. Sometimes I feel torn between the two lives that I want. And in an effort to not let this one life I have go to waste, I try to conquer both. Staying at home with my boys always keeps my happiness meter filled to the brim. At the same time though, I'm working towards my degree to teach and work outside of the home when my boys are in school, and also wanting to expand my photography. And somewhere I have to find that balance. Yet I'm still deciding what I want to do when I grow up, and even though motherhood is the ultimate job, it's not all that I want to do with my life. So a shift has occurred. And even though when Thursday, the first day or school, came, and I decided to stay home curled up with Ben in my big warm bed. I wasn't giving up on my goals, rather prioritizing. School will be there, teacher's will be needed. But my boys will not be this small forever. And at an age where they change and grow so rapidly, I could not miss a single day in their ever changing lives.

So September, your wave of change has blown in and knocked me over. Rearranged me for a little while. Spun me around and set me off spinning in a different direction. And once I get my balance, I'm off and running. Because life is short, and if I'm going to do it all, I need to start now.

And most important, I need to capture those little moments in life, that pass so quickly.

And another special moment, my beautiful niece Isabella is a senior this year and we took her senior pictures this weekend, here's a look, absolutely stunning!